That’s right my name is Jared and I like going to Subway. Do you have a problem with that? No, you are not the first to make the joke. Every cashier that has ever swiped my debit card and seen my name has already beat you to it. That fat-turned-thin bastard has fucked it up for every Jared of this generation. But even all the bad name puns in the world couldn’t ruin my Subway going experience as much as this other dude did.
When I walked into my local Subway sandwich stop the other day I was in line waiting my turn at the, disturbingly dirty, sneeze guard sandwich assembly line. There was a guy in front of me and he had the nastiest feet I have ever seen, not attached to a transient. Homeboy was sporting sandals, but he really shouldn’t have been. So naturally I took a picture of them.
First, let’s address the cankles situation. If you have no ankle whatsoever the proper attire for you is probably not shorts. And hell it is winter, no one is going to fault you for wearing jeans. Furthermore let me play Tim Gun here for a second. Notice how the shorts are so long that they make it into a picture I am taking of the dude’s feet. If you are already short and fat, the last thing you want to do is divide yourself into disproportionate sections of length. It just heightens your already awkward shape.
Not let’s get to the piece de resistance. Those feet. Those Dirty Fucking Feet! Why is the area between the first two toes black? Does he walk barefoot in coal mines for fun? That’s the only way I can think of that you could also get black shit under your toe nails too. This man is disgusting.
He then went on to order a meatball sub with extra cheese. Big Shocker.
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Best Of Going Guerilla: No Tea For Me -In which I analyze the stupid douche bags that organize these moronic tea parties.
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