Big day for your man Jrodius. Mrs. Rodius has to go out of town tonight for a trade show, so today is going to be my first time rolling solo with The Mamba. I have been alone with the kid before, for like 2 hours at a time. But today I will be going approx. 12 hours. I will be live blogging throughout the day with the misadventures of a first time parent trying to keep his shit together. Live Blog will start at 1:30pm PST.
I will be writing it in a similar style as I did my “The Baby Is Coming!” piece, where I will attempt to update it every hour or so, assuming my hands aren’t covered in baby poo, or at the emergency room. (Check back for updates)
13:08 Twelve minutes till lift off. Thinking of most highly expedited routes to the hospital if needed. Quickest route also features a Circle K. Double win for both my biggie soda needs and The Mamba’s medical.
13:33 The Mrs. has left. Just Me vs The Mamba. And he is doing a good job of attempting to lull me into a false sense of confidence through acting as if he is both cute and asleep. I see through your clever ruse little man! The calm before the storm… the calm before the storm…
13:45 The General has instructed me to use the artillery at my disposal as I see fit. But because I have only three bullets in the chamber I am going to have to use both accuracy and skill to pull this off. I am to fire off one round every four hours. But this is war, I will fire as often as needed to leave this battleground with a victory.
14:12 So Mama Rodius (my mom) bought The Mamba a cool CD of Rolling Stones music converted into kids music. After researching the company more I found this one below. It has to be one of the prettiest versions of this song ever. Lionel Hampton would be so proud to know that the xylophone still has relevancy. I absolutely love this song and am playing it right now. Only thing left to do is to make sure my kid listens to nothing Billy Corgan has done since 1995.
14:30 Attempting to take a risk and play Civilization 4 while The Mamba sleeps. Which happens first? I build the pyramids, or he sharts himself?
15:25 The Mamba wins!!! And to the victor go the spoils. A new diaper coming up!
16:00 First bullet is warmed and ready to fire. About to watch Community and Parks and Rec on Hulu as I feed the Mamba. Much spit up to follow…
17:15 The little man is fed. There was spit up aplenty and a few major eruptions down stairs, but this look made it all worth while:
17:30 Gonna have The Mamba ride shotgun with me while I split the wigs of some terrorists on the PS3. Hope he knows how to pull the trigger on that sawed off…
22:00 We didn’t suffer any emergency. I forgot to tell you all I had a loophole in my plan. My mom had to watch him for two hours while I had my soccer game to play. We are home now and waiting for momma. By the way, the kid is useless with a shotgun. I had to split those wigs all by myself. He would make an oddly small human shield though.
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
LOL. You will be fine. If Glenn can do it. Anyone can! :)
But I am sure it would be amusing to watch! :)
I have faith in you… don’t drop him, keep him well fed, and asleep if possible.. Never underestimate the power of food and swaddling him up!
This is unspeakably hilarious…good luck sir!
Glad you like it Ginge. And for all the GG readers who love talking cats check out @wilcothecat on Twitter. And if you like him, check out his owner @GTTF.
Rockabye Baby! also has a CD of Radiohead songs…greatness.
http://www.amazon.com/Rockabye-Baby-Lullaby-Renditions-Radiohead/dp/B000GY72KQ
Hmmm.
http://isohunt.com/torrent_details/110444093/rockabye+baby?tab=summary
OMG he is so cute! Their faces when trying to load up their diapies is awesome, squinching and pinching and then finally…. ahhhhhhh relaxed! Hope you are still hangin in there!
i’m assuming that the lack of updates since last night is simply due to the fact that you forgot to factor your sleep schedule into your blogging plan.
oh, and as far as the whole eeeeeeeeeeeee (<— 8 month old) splitting wigs plan goes, give it another 2 years and he will be "out-splitting" you. my son is a master with the sub-machine gun, the sniper rifle and the knife (but only uses it when he runs out of ammo).
and he is adorable! more pictures, please!!!
Tried to read but then I saw that cute face and lost concentration. He is such a cutie pie!
Genuinely funny. Really can’t wait to see what happens next.
You better of been playing SOCOM! Teach Logan to pull the chord and get some extra lag.
Hahaha it was socom in fact. The dude isn’t strong enough to pull the pin on nades yet tho…