Sounds like a gay cock blocker huh? The Hose Thief. Some dude named Nathaniel that goes around to all the local gay clubs and steals up all the hot thunder. No, in this case The Hose Thief is just that, some scumbag that stole my hose.
What is up with people and stealing from me lately? Remember when I had my tailgate stolen off my truck?
Yesterday as my wife and I were trying to walk this baby out of her womb, we walked up to the front door. Now we never use our front door because we have an attached garage were we enter and exit our house. One of the first purchases we made when we bought our house was a hose caddy for the front yard. It was one of those rolling ones that you wind the hose onto. Nothing fancy.
But when we approached the front door after our walk I noticed something looked different. Sure enough some ass clown stole our whole hose reel from our front yard. I felt like that scene in Austin Powers when the big Chinaman throws the shoe at him and he says, “Who throws a shoe? Honestly!”
Who steals a hose reel? Honestly!
I guess it is partly my fault for buying one on wheels which, in turn, removes one of the potential deterrents for a thief, portability. But the silver lining here is that the hose was an utter piece of shit. I hated the thing. It leaked like crazy. So the jokes on him.
Hope you enjoy it Nathaniel.
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Best of Going Guerilla: “Childhood Firsts” My main man Puddins making with the nostalgia. Still one of the most viewed pieces we have done here, but I think it’s just internet predators doing Google searches on the phrase “Childhood Firsts”.
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You actually have this story all wrong. Eden ( our friend) was walking up to the front door and asked what we had done differently to our front porch because it looked different. We probably would not have noticed it for weeks until we needed the stupid thing.
I just IMDB’d “The Hose Thief”. It’s actually a coming-of-age tale about a young boy whose hopes of becoming a fireman are destroyed when he loses all the fingers on his right hand. A touching tale.
Oh, and this is what you get when you buy a house on a major thoroughfare.
Some people will steal anything. I don’t know why a hose, but whatever.
Have a terrific day. :)