My writing process is probably far more rudimentary than “real” writers. I don’t write outlines or drafts. I usually have some vague notion of an idea and sit down and see what comes out. It often has coma splices and run on sentences, because I am often typing how I am speaking it in my head. And that’s fine by me.
I remember in 11th grade I had an English teacher that taught us a free form writing technique where we took one minute and wrote by hand one continuous thought without lifting our pen for spaces or punctuation. It drove me nuts the first time I ever did it. But I kinda see the point now. Anyway this intro sucks and has nothing to do with why I sat down here tonight.
I watched SLC Punk tonight. I hadn’t seen it for a really long time. In fact I probably hadn’t seen it since I was around (the main character) Steve-O’s age in the movie. That movie had such a profound affect on me the first time I ever saw it. Not because I ever considered myself a punk or anything like that, but because it rang so fucking true regarding the process the character goes through.
I was probably around 25-26 when I first saw that movie and I was just starting to see the difference between how the world works ideally and how it works in reality. I love my parents for always trying to give me and my brother some form of an ideal life. But that’s not the way the world really works.
This weekend I went to a party with a bunch of my friends from high school, and as always, we had a great time. At one point one of my buddies asked me about this site and what it is and why I have it. I guess at first I didn’t really know how to answer it. But after watching this movie tonight I think it may have clicked a bit to me.
At some point we all have to come to grips that the world we were hell bent to change at some point in life, is powered by a force of inertia that is 4 billion years old. Yet we are so cocky, in our youth, that we feel like in the meaningless amount of time we are actually on this big spinning ball that we can actually change it’s course. Eventually the reality seeps in that we are such a small speck of nothing here that there is no way we, alone, can do anything to truly change it.
So we trade in our fast cars for mini-vans, our hair dyes for hair spray, and our necklaces for neck ties. We reach a point where all the fighting to swim up stream just doesn’t seem worth it anymore. That’s not to say we give up, but we just don’t see the allure of the struggle.
Furthermore, we go so far that at a certain point we mock those who still “fight the good fight” as sad and fleeting. Like it is they who are missing out on true life. Yet, I bet that within everyone of us their is a part that is jealous that they still have the will to see the world through such naked and motivated eyes.
So in answer to my friend’s question, the reason I have this site is because for a few minutes every couple days I get to sit down and feel the current of the stream again. I know I’m not going to change the world. But the piece of me 8 years ago that thought I could change it doesn’t have to die either. I can express myself freely, hell I can even turn the comments off if I don’t want to hear anyone’s response. You can’t do that in real life. But the important part is that I don’t forget how fun it was to pretend to be omnipotent for a day or speak the absurd just to enjoy the debate.
Everyone should be so lucky as to have an outlet like that. If you don’t, why don’t you? Aren’t you bored?
